Why You Keep Getting Work Life Balance All Wrong
I’ve written in the past about my disdain for the term, “work life balance.” I think there are way better lenses to use to assess the overall health and success of our lives. They include asking questions like:
What is my purpose and how are my daily choices aligning/not aligning with that purpose?
What fulfills me? How can I be more intentional in including (or acknowledging) those kinds of activities in my day or week?
Where am I allowing myself to feel like a victim of my circumstances? What's one small step I could take to exert greater control over my current situation?
How could I improve my efficiency or effectiveness in one of my roles to create more time for what's most important?
BUT if you insist on using the idea of “work life balance” or it’s shorter cousin “life balance” to determine how you’re doing, here are some common mistakes you might be making when trying to apply it to your life:
You are seeking a static state when things aren't changing (and are in balance).
When was the last time things weren't changing for you? The fourth grade?
You think a lack of balance is only caused by an overscheduled calendar.
Too many items planned for the day or week can create a sense of unbalance in your life, but too often it’s the type of items you are allowing or creating for your days that are contributing to your less than ideal life. How efficient are you with your work tasks? Do you use every moment of your day in pursuit of what is most important to you? All the commitments and tasks listed on your calendar should be contributing to you becoming the person you want to be. Does yours? If not, what needs to change to give you a better sense of balance?
You look at your professional life and personal life as opposing interests (Think opposite sides of a scale).
If you've read Juggling Elephants or heard me speak on the topic of making better choices with your time, you know that I see our lives made up of three key areas, and that it's only when we address the needs of all three of them that we are the best version of ourselves. It's thinking "and" rather than "either or."
You think your “balance” needs to look like everyone else’s expression of balance.
I’ll never forget talking with Lisa Lombardo, who is one of the most energetic and amazing people I have ever met in the hospitality industry. We were at a luncheon together, and after listening to her share her schedule for the next week with someone at the table, I said, “WOW! You are one busy person.” Her response was, “I don’t see it as busy if I am doing what I want to do.” I didn’t know Lisa’s purpose, everything that fulfills her, and what else was going on in her life at the moment. I was projecting my own ideas of what “busy” looks like onto her. It’s the same with work life balance. Each of us needs to decide for ourselves what we want the cadence of our days to look like based on our purpose and our goals, instead of trying to mirror the pace of others whose expectations for life may be very different.
You think that simply taking “weight” off one side will balance your life.
Here’s a classic example: Someone wants to work less hours so they can spend more time with their family. It’s a great strategy as long as there is a plan to use that added time in a way that deepens relationships. If the added time at home with family drifts into low value activities that don’t fulfill them or other members of their family, have they really achieved anything of value?
You aren’t comfortable with having to invest more time in one area of their life at the expense of another.
You want to shift your physical, mental, and emotional resources so you can get the most out of any moment that may never come again. Think of some of your greatest successes so far in life. I'm willing to wager that you had to allow your life to be unbalanced to accomplish the goal or achieve the desired outcomes. Trying to schedule everything for an equal amount of time (i.e. balance) denies you the chance to really make progress on those big goals or be fully present for the unexpected.
Ultimately, I think coming up with questions you can ask about your life at any given moment can help you best determine if you have the right balance mix of activities and commitments. Your questions will vary depending on the season of life you are in, what’s going on in your work, and the needs and expectations of those who depend on you. Here are three “starter” questions to consider:
Am I moving toward a better version of myself?
Am I making choices with my time that align with my highest priorities?
Am I using my time to improve the lives of others?
So… are you ready to stop chasing balance and start pursuing something more important?